Cycle (and not the fun one)
periods periods periods
“I get two normal weeks of the month.”
I remember my mum telling me when I was younger.
No idea what she’s on about.
I remember thinking to myself.
I was 16, crying out in blinding agony in the footwell of my mum's car as she sped along the A11, feigning some form of sympathy but also slightly more concerned for the state of her new car if I happened to throw up.
No, I hadn’t been shot at point-blank range. I had once again been delighted by my period.
This wasn’t the first time, and definitely wasn’t the last. As months went on, I learnt to dread the inevitable week of the month when I threw up or passed out from sheer pain. From spending hours in the bath trying to alleviate the agony, to leaving work trial shifts after passing out while making a ‘Sex on the Beach’, I knew something was seriously wrong. As years went on, however, the physical pain was bolstered by an arguably worse mental anguish, both of which united to create an unbearable time every month.
I became someone I hated every two weeks. Outside of them, I was agreeable, calm, logical, and independent. Inside of them, I felt like a weak shell of myself. Or sometimes not myself at all. This wasn’t a normal pre-menstral feeling, I felt like my world was closing in around me every month, I would leave myself notes begging myself to go to the doctors at my darkest points, all to wake up after my period and forget what the problem was entirely. It was a vicious cycle. I felt crazy.
I vaguely recall mentions of periods at school. Nothing significant or helpful. There were some lessons on hormones, labelling the ovaries, and all of that, but nothing on how they actually affect you outside of a poorly photocopied diagram.
In my youthful brain, there were two points of the hormonal month: the period week and then the rest, and unfortunately, I have learnt this belief system is carried into adulthood for most men and a lot of women. As women, we are inclined to put our menstrual health to the back of our minds and grin and bear symptoms as if they are normal. Your period shouldn't be agonising, you shouldn't be depressed for two weeks of the month, and you definitely shouldn't feel less of a person or isolated because you experience any of the wild symptoms your period provides. If it wasn’t for my relentless pain, some (a lot of) horrible arguments with people I love, and the stinging realisation that I could no longer be a stranger to myself, I would never have spent days and days researching what was causing this hell every month, and getting a diagnosis. And fortunately, within that, finding myself again.
It’s easy to get lost when you’re broken down into a biology lesson, and that's about it. Whether we like it or not, there is still a stigma around women's health, specifically our hormonal health. Underfunded and under-researched, we are left to scrape the barrel for information and guidance on how to address our symptoms instead of patching them up and essentially ‘getting on with it’. There is so much power in knowing how your body works. It’s incredible to be able to recognise your emotions in relation to your cycle, and it’s wildly empowering to utilise these specific times of the month to your advantage when you can.
When you know your body, you know yourself, and when you know yourself truly, you can do anything. If you take anything from this, be kind to yourself. I’ve always found it hard to understand what people mean when they say that, but it is your first time on the planet, as well as everyone else’s, so give yourself grace.
Mistakes are opportunities to learn and grow, and actions have consequences, but these consequences are lessons. Find a silver lining in whatever you can, and please stop being so horrible to yourself.
The 4 typical phases we are taught are as follows: (queue photocopied diagrams and AQA textbooks).
Follicular Phase Day 1–13: You’ll feel fresh, energised, and creative. Life is amazing la la la la la.
Ovulation Day 14: You’re fertile, social, and full of life. Your skin will be glowing and you’ll flirt with everyone and have lots of children, and live happily ever after.
Luteal Phase Day 15–28: You might feel a bit bloated or moody, but you’ll mostly be fine. Eat a banana and go for a walk. Queue the “Must be on her period” comments from every man in a 40-mile radius.
Menstrual Phase Day 1–7 of next cycle: You’ll bleed, maybe feel a little tired, but of course it’s manageable. Pop a paracetamol and carry on. And don't you dare mention you're on your period.
The most helpful advice I have had in regards to female health has always come from the women close to me, not a doctor. So here is mine to pass on.
Here is your comprehensive guide to your hormones, created by me!
Menstrual Phase (Day 1–6)
What’s Happening
Your hormones have hit the floor, and Oestrogen and progesterone both dip. Your body is shedding the uterine lining and bleeding. Everything in you will most definitely be pointing towards slowing down and being intentional with your energy.
How You Might Feel
Tired to your bones. Insecure and isolated. There’s a weird kind of emotional vulnerability that comes with this phase, I find it a mix of sadness and some strange peace. You’re not lazy. You’re bleeding, and I think it's quite magical. I find the menstrual phase to be quite cathartic in that it's essentially a detox. Everyone is different, and I believe your period can bring some rest from the horrors of the week prior during PMS. To each their own.
Best Activities
Rest, cancel plans (I am very guilty of this), rewatch something you love.
Write, or just let your thoughts be without needing to fix them.
Move, slow and steady. Yoga and all of that jazz.
Food
Iron rich stuff to replace what you’re losing - spinach, dark choc, steak.
Warming foods that feel like home.
Whatever you want, cause your body needs fuel.
Drink loads of water even if you feel too bloated to move.
Follicular Phase (Day 7–13)
What’s Happening
Oestrogen starts rising again, your body is building up a new lining, and your brain’s getting tremendously clearer. Things start to feel possible again. This is the period of time when I feel like a normal human being. This is who I think of when I think of myself.
How You Might Feel
I usually feel hot, and finally not just in a sweaty temperature kind of way. More upbeat. Ideas come quicker. Socialising comes both naturally and eagerly, and you finally feel like you want to be seen again. I ask myself why I was shouting about an ice cream or an unmade bed. There are bigger problems, but during this time, you'll probably be immune to all of them. Send that email!
Best Activities
Start things, anything! Things feel completely possible, so go ahead and do them.
You’re strong, go to the gym and test your limits.
Say yes. Wear something that makes you feel hot, because you are.
Food
Protein and healthy fats to fuel your slow return of energy - eggs, salmon, avocado.
Fermented foods to support gut and hormone balance. Look after your gut.
Oats, quinoa. Complex carbs will help balance your energy and avoid crashes, so eat them!
Ovulation Phase (Around Day 14)
What’s Happening
Oestrogen peaks, your body releases an egg, you get a dose of testosterone and LH. You're fertile and your body wants a baby. Now. Probably will find yourself attracted to some questionable looking men, or totally enamoured by your boyfriend while he sits, scratches his balls, and does nothing particularly special, sexy right?...
How You Might Feel
In theory, we are supposed to feel confident and magnetic. In practice, yes, sometimes. But you might also feel uncomfortably overstimulated, emotionally fragile, bloated, horny, or suddenly like everyone hates you and you don’t know why. Peak contradiction. Ovulation leads into the luteal phase, and you will probably feel it. You aren’t crazy for not feeling like a ray of sunshine.
Best Activities
Social things that fulfil you, be with your close friends.
High intensity exercise if you’re up for it.
Alternatively - crying, vaping, lying in a dark room, analysing your entire life.
Food
Anti-inflammatory foods keep your body calm, like berries or salmon.
Light fresh meals, salads with protein, smoothies, and fruit.
Magnesium (spinach, dark choc, bananas) to fight off bloating and mood swings. I usually feel like a bowling ball. A really angry one.
Luteal Phase (Day 15–28)
What’s Happening
Oestrogen drops. Progesterone rises. Your body assumes you’re pregnant (even if you haven’t shared as much as a bar of dairy milk with a man in months) and prepares for this. By this time, I’m usually on my way to rock bottom. I feel insecure, I think people are talking about me, I think my boyfriend hates me, and my mum wants to get me adopted, even though I’m 22 and that’s not possible. My brain creates scenarios, and my hormonal perspective allows me to latch onto them and feed off of them. I don't recognise my body or my brain; essentially, I am some sort of impostor.
How You Might Feel
Clingy, sad, exhausted, rageful. This is the premenstrual phase. You feel angry at everyone else and then somehow also at yourself. It’s like a horrid gameshow. Who do you hate more this month? Yourself, or the Primark employee who looked at you and didn’t smile?
Best Activities
Don’t start new things if you can help it.
Slow movement like stretching, pilates, walking, it's all brilliant.
Say no more often. Create space for naps, anger, or nothing at all.
Do whatever makes you feel like yourself again, even if it’s silly.
Free bleeding (No further questions.)
Food
Complex carbs like sweet potato to balance blood sugar and reduce mood swings.
leafy greens, bananas, and chickpeas to ease anxiety and cramps (they contain magnesium and vitamin B6, which are A+ in aiding a smoother cycle and easier PMS
Less caffeine and alcohol. Alcohol can imbalance your hormones, and this is already a sensitive time.
Realistically, this is just a guide, not a strict rulebook you need to live your life by. You’re not expected to plan your whole identity or routine around your cycle because, frankly, that would be slightly impossible. But being aware of how you might feel at different points, and what you're best capable of (even though you are capable of anything), can be incredibly helpful and actually very fulfilling.
It’s not about limiting yourself, it’s about understanding yourself. Sometimes that’s the difference between letting yourself burnout, or creating balance instead.
You’re not inconsistent, you’re cyclical. The version of us that is thriving mid-cycle is just as real as the version that is too anxious to socialise during PMS. Both are real, and they can coexist. When you start to notice those shifts without judging them, things just start to make more sense. You get to meet yourself with kindness and empathy as opposed to frustration and anger. It becomes less about “fixing” your moods and more about flowing with them.
And tell your boyfriends to get you some flowers and cut you some slack.
A.